hungarian: nowhere in the bible does it say god is not a burrito
yellfang: party-at-the-tardis: shavingryansprivates: why the fuck is every nursery rhyme about people dying the london bridge is falling down and probably crushing pedestrians ring around the rosie pockets full of posie ashes ashes we all get obliterated by the black plague it’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring he bumped his head and fucking died and fucking died humpty...
android18: meanwhile at tumblr headquarters
sweeneytad: *dentist slaughters family in front of you* they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
thehawkofmyeye: ok so we’re watching this documentary in history and there’s one section about how the challenger exploded and this girl goes “bunch of white bitches” then the camera zoomed out and there was a black guy and she goes “awwwww that poor black guy died” and she was 100% serious like what the fuck they’re all people, they all died, skin color doesn’t matter, 7 people died. PEOPLE not...
(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
dooblerdoo: whenever I create a text post